


What might have been.

by yankeetooter



Category: Chernobyl - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 06:03:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19388014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yankeetooter/pseuds/yankeetooter
Summary: An alternate telling of the Valoris story, still set in Chernobyl.  All the details are the same except what transpires between our Valery and Boris.A story for those hurting too much from all the angst...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HBO's characters, history's nuclear accident, my ideas, and no disrespect.

Valery picks up the phone at 7 a.m. on the morning of April 26, 1986, and a gravelly voice inquires, "Professor Legasov?"

"Speaking."

"There's been an accident at the Chernobyl Power Plant. You've been selected to be an advisor."

"Is it bad?"

"It's not great."

"Are they going..."

*Click


	2. Everything goes awry...in a good way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The universe mysteriously slips off its course...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forget everything you know.

Valery walked into the meeting and looked around awkwardly. Gorbachev sat at the head of the table; all the other chairs were filled, except one. Valery wished it was down near the end of the table so he could slip unobtrusively into his seat, but the empty chair was most of the way up the table. An older, imposing looking man sat with his arm draped over said chair. He looked up, saw Valery, and gestured that Valery should come and sit.

Valery made his way to the chair, wishing he could shrink out of sight instead of having every set of eyes on him. The only person who paid him little attention was the imposing figure, but when Valery reached the chair, the man used his foot to push the chair out for him. Then, when he was seated, to Valery's shock and embarrassment, he resumed draping his arm over Valery's chair. Suddenly, Valery's face grew warm, and he was aware of a charisma in the other man that mezmerized him like a mouse caught in a cobra's gaze.

Gorbachev stated that they would now hear from Deputy Chairman Shcherbina. To Valery's surprise, the man next to him started speaking in the memorable raspy voice he had heard the other morning. Valery forced himself to focus on what Shcherbina was saying, shocked at how quickly the accident was dismissed as being not that bad. He had to speak up, and started to do so, but suddenly Shcherbina's leg pressed against his. "Wait!" Shcherbina hissed. He had noticed how alarmed Valery looked during the report, and decided they should listen to him.

"Secretary Gorbachev, I believe we should hear what Professor Legasov has to say. He is an expert in this field."

Valery glanced at Shcherbina with a grateful look in his eyes. Nobody ever validated him, despite his expertise. Encouraged by Shcherbina's endorsement, he began to explain why he was so concerned by the information that had been reported. When he had finished, Gorbachev said, "Comrade Shcherbina, I think you need to go to Chernobyl and sort this out."

Shcherbina looked somewhat taken aback, but recovering, said, "I need someone like Legasov who understands what exactly is going on. May I bring him?"

"Of course. Meeting adjourned.". Everyone got up and left except Legasov and Shcherbina. Shcherbina draped his arm back over Legasov's chair and looked into his eyes. "Is it really that bad?"

Valery squirmed a bit, but looked into Shcherbina's eyes and nodded.

And that's how they ended up in a helicopter, on their way to Chernobyl...


	3. Nuclear reactors and helicopters don't mix.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some touching, and a scary moment. More from the alternate universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters but I'm typing on my phone.

Legasov and Shcherbina were flying to Chernobyl by helicopter. Shcherbina looked overwhelmed. After all, what did he know of nuclear reactors?

"Professor Legasov, could you tell me how a nuclear reactor works?"

Legasov nodded and leaned forward. Shcherbina handed him a pen, their fingers briefly touching, and a thrill ran down Legasov's spine. He stuttered for a few minutes, rather flustered, than got control of himself.

He ran through a basic explanation, impressed when Shcherbina remembered his bullet analogy from the meeting. When he was done, Shcherbina thanked him. "But I'm still glad you're here, Legasov. I hope I never have to give a presentation on this stuff."

They were quickly nearing the plant. Looking out the window, Legasov gasped. "What have they done?", he said in horror. There was no doubt the core must have exploded. From his seat Shcherbina could not really see, so he got up and joined Legasov at the window. He stood right up against him, and steadied him as the helicopter began to encounter more turbulent air. 

"Show me what you're seeing," Shcherbina asked. Legasov explained about the eerie glow in the air and showed him the graphite on the roof. "I'm guessing we probably shouldn't fly over that?" Shcherbina asked.

"No, Deputy Chairman Shcherbina, we most certainly should not. We'd be dead in a week."

"Please, call me Boris.". Legasov nodded, a bit surprised at the courtesy. "Valery" he offered in return.

They continued looking at the window then both realized simultaneously that the helicopter was still headed straight for the plume of smoke and radioactive gases. 

"Pilot!" Boris called up front. Take us around to the emergency camp on the west. Do not fly over the core."

The pilot shouted back over the noise of the rotors, "Sorry, sir, but Secretary Gorbachev expressly ordered us to..."

Valery cringed in horror. Boris yelled, "If you keep flying in that direction, I'll have you shot!"

The pilot was not happy about his orders being overridden, and he quickly banked the helicopter as he changed course. Boris was steady as a rock, but Valery lost his balance badly and fell. He almost hit his head on one of the corners, but Boris managed to catch him, and cradled his head with his large hand so he wouldn't smack it on the metal. Valery looked up into the concerned face of Boris, who gently righted him and helped him to his seat. As he removed his hand from Valery's head, his fingers brushed Valery's cheek in passing.

Valery's heart was pounding, and not from the near crisis or his fall.


	4. Don't say nothing bad about my baby...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris shows off how well he followed Valery's lesson on the helicopter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from an oldie but goodie...if you don't get it, it just means you're younger than me.

Boris and Valery disembark from the helicopter. Boris jumps down from the exit, looking fit to kill someone, but he turns and steadies Valery as he climbs down less nimbly. He follows Valery's gaze to the huge smoke plume coming from Reactor #4, then looks back at Valery. Valery looks back at him, obviously concerned.

"Come on," Boris says quietly. "We've got to go meet these jokers who told us everything was under control. And Valera..." Valery looks up into Boris'stern face. "Let me do the talking, okay?". Valery nods. It's his turn to trust Boris.

They come up to Brukhanov and Fomin. General Pikalov stands a bit off to one side. Brukhanov spots Legasov and immediately starts in on him.

"You've been saying some very dangerous things, Comrade, haven't you?". Valery's face flushes but he holds his tongue. 

Fomin then takes over. "Yes, saying our reactor core has exploded. Tell me, how does an RBMK reactor core explode?"

Valery flushes even more. Of course he can't explain it! It was never supposed to happen. He makes as if to say something while the two smirk at him, but Boris restrains him with a hand on his arm.

"Do not presume to question Professor Legasov! Why did I see graphite on the roof? Graphite is only used in the core, to control the flux."

The two men before him are stunned. They had thought Shcherbina a foolish party man. Valery has to look down to hide the smile twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Fomin immediately starts fawning over Shcherbina, trying to placate him while contradicting him. "Pardon me, but you must be mistaken. Perhaps you saw concrete?"

"Now that's where you made a mistake," Shcherbina growls at him, "I may not know a lot about nuclear reactors, but I know about concrete! General Pikalov, how can we prove to these two what we already know?"

Pikalov steps forward. "The new dosimeter just arrived. We can attach it to the front of one of our vehicles and drive closer to get a true reading."

Shcherbina nods, satisfied, then watches as Valery hangs his head. 

Valery knows it might very well be fatal to whoever goes. Straightening his spine he steps forward, his mind made up. 

"If you need a volunteer,...". Boris yanks him back and hisses "Not a chance!" in his ear. Valery looks at Boris and swallows the protest he was about to make. Boris is gazing at him in horror.

Valery slumps in resugnation, steps forward again and says, "Whoever you send, put them in protective gear and have them drive as close as they can get. But be aware that it may not be enough."

"Then I'll go myself." Pikalov states, and goes off to prepare.

Brukhanov and Fomin hurry to a nearby tent to wait, anxious to get away from Boris' anger. Boris turns to Valery and grabs him by the shoulders. He is furious, and Valery cringes.

"Valery!" Then softer, as he sees Valery shrink away even more, "Valery. You are not to put yourself in such danger ever again! Do you understand? You are much too valuable to me!"

Valery looks up in astonishment. Boris meets his gaze for a moment more, then stalks off to the tent, leaving a stunned Valery behind.


	5. Helicopters and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight for Chernobyl begins, and Valery and Boris face the truth together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't do too much with the helicopter scene, as I wasn't sure how differently it could have played out.

"Don't let them get too close!", Valery exclaimed.

The radio man looked to Boris to see how he should respond. Boris, exasperated, shouted, "From now, whatever Professor Legasov tells you to do, just follow his instructions. You don't need to confirm with me every time!"

The radio man nodded and began relaying Legasov's instructions to the helicopter pilots.

Valery looked at Boris, touched by his trust. Boris returned his gaze with a quick wink, making Valery blush, then went back to watching the first helicopter's approach.

Raising the binoculars to his face again, Legasov shouted, "No, no, they're too close!". But it was too late. Static replaced the communication from the first helicopter, then, horribly, the helicopter went down.

The radio man looked frantically between Legasov and Shcherbina for further instructions. Boris looked at Valery in shock and asked quietly, "Is there any other way?" Valery shook his head no, then looked away to hide the tears in his eyes.

Boris looked back at the radio man and indicated the helicopters were to proceed. "Have them approach from the west.". Looking back, he watched concernedly as Valery walked off in a daze.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boris walked into their hotel room, feeling a lot better. He stopped in the doorway, watching Valery, who stood by the window and was oblivious to Boris' presence.

Valery's head was down and he was facing the window. His hands uselessly rubbed at the back of his neck. Boris stepped across the room to Valery and said, "Let me help.". He moved Valery's hands gently, then, placing his large strong hands on Valery's shoulders began to knead at all the tension in Valery's neck, back and shoulders.

Valery relaxed into Boris' touch, his tension finally easing up a bit. "The drops are going well now, Valera. The danger will soon be greatly reduced."

Valery's muscles tensed again. "Boris. You do know, that is, well, we..."

"What is it, Valera?"

"I...I thought you knew. This area will never be safe to stay in. The people need to be evacuated as soon as possible."

"But, Valera, we can't leave." Boris said. Then it hit him.

"Yes, Borya, we must stay, and we have at most five years to live."

Boris stumbled back, stunned, then moved forward to take Valery's face in his hands. "You should leave, Valera.". Valery shook his head no...he would not leave Boris here to face this hell alone. Boris gathered Valery in his arms for countless moments, the two of them gathering what little strength they could from each other.

When the phone rang a little while later, Boris listened, still half stunned. Then he gave some quick orders and hung up. The evacuation had begun.


	6. Boris is not okay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Valery reveals their shortened life expectancy, Boris is in bad shape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait...

Boris is not okay.

Valery is going over the map of the region, but Boris is not listening. And he's more than not listening. Something is wrong. Boris' chair is pulled up to the table Valery had his map on, but Boris pays no mind to what Valery is saying.

Normally, he listens attentively to whatever Valery has to say. Granted, sometimes when his friend starts discussing the finer points of nuclear physics, he starts losing the gist of it, but even then he listens, waiting until the part where items are needed comes in to the conversation. He's good at that.

But tonight Boris slumps in his chair. His eyes are focused on some unknown point across the room. Moreover, the passion that underlies everything Boris does, whether he's angry, smiling or inspiring others with his words, is simply not there.

Valery stops talking, not that Boris notices. His heart goes out to Boris, and for a moment he regrets having to tell him their fate. But he needed to know, needed to have the choice of whether to go. And, devastated though Boris might be, he has stayed. Valery thinks of how much he admires this man, how much he...no, better not to go there.

Borja, are you okay?

Boris makes a supreme effort to rally, and in his usual way, says, "I'm fine." But he can't fool Valery.

Valery is about to go over to him, when Pikalov comes in with a woman. It's Ulana, and she has brought dire news. For the next ten minutes or so, her and Valery are caught up in the logistics of the next threat to the countryside. When Ulana finally leaves, Valery looks over to Boris, who if anything, is more devastated. Will their nightmare never end?

When they go to Moscow, Boris is still not himself. He asks Valery to make the presentation, with Ulana assisting. This is so unlike Boris, who normally would head up the presentation, calling on the other two to explain the technical details.

At the presentation, he quickly passes the baton to Valery. He hears the ensuing discussion, but not much registers. Boris is grateful for Valery's professionalism and his handling of Gorbachev. He knows there is no way he could have stood up to the questioning. And the thought of sacrificing more men! 

The presentation finally over, the men stand until Gorbachev leaves. Immediately, Boris sinks into his chair, just wanting to be away from everyone else. Valery sits down next to him, his silent presence a comfort unexpected, and stays there until Boris rallies himself to leave.

Later that night...

Boris' chest feels tight with the horror of everything. He sits on the couch, trying to catch his breath, but everything is threatening to overwhelm him. Valery's and his death sentence, the ensuing threat that could devastate the USSR and beyond, and the need to sacrifice more men.

Valery comes and sits at the other end of the couch. Turning to Boris he pulls him over so Boris is sprawled on the couch, his head in Valery's lap. Valery's fingers gently rub Boris' temples. 

"Let it out, Borja, let it out."

Something gives way in Boris and the tears come. He buries his head in Valery's chest and let's all the stress, all the helplessness, all the frustration come pouring out. Valery cradles him in his arms and holds him long into the night. Eventually, sleep comes to the both of them, and, for a time, blessed oblivion.


	7. You'll do it because it must be done!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris pulls it together long enough to send three men to their death (potentially).

It's 6:00 a.m. when Boris awakens, still lying in Valery's lap. He doesn't want to move, but then suddenly remembers his losing control the night before. An insecure man, Boris craves Valery's approval, and, well, after last night, how can he look Valery in the face again?

True, Valery was the one to pull him onto his lap and hold him while he sobbed out his frustrations, but..and the doubts rear their ugly head, threatening to drag Boris back under with them. Until, Valery's hands cup his face, and Valery says, "Boris, we don't meet with the plant workers until 11:00 a.m. Go back to sleep." And Valery begins to stroke Boris' back, a simple but comforting gesture that lulls Boris back to sleep in no time.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Later, they get ready to meet with the plant workers. Boris feels better, but still a bit haggard, so Valery offers to make the plea for volunteers. Boris nods gratefully, he's not sure he has it in him.

Valery starts off offering pensions, promotions, etc., things he and Boris had come up with together as ways to motivate the men to volunteer. But it's not working. The men see through Valery's offers; they know it will be a suicidal mission.

Boris, sitting off to the side, is watching Valery and sees him start to falter. Valery looks over at him, a helplessness in his glance. Boris rises from his chair, suddenly himself again. Valery needs his help and he will not fail him!

What follows is an incredible speech. Valery looks on, admiration in his eyes for Boris. Three men stand in succession, offering to give their lives for this task. Boris is nearly overcome, and can only nod to them in acknowledgement before they file out the door.


	8. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris and Valery have their first fight.

Pikalov approached from the recently landed helicopter. Shcherbina and Legasov were by the worktable right outside of their trailer, Legasov bent over and leaning on the map spread out on the table.

As he got closer, he could hear them arguing and flinched.

"How did this happen? How? Who decided to make the exclusion zone a radius of only 30 kilometers?"

"Are you saying I did?"

"Well, somebody did!"

 _Ouch!! Low blow, Valery,_ Pikalov thought.

"What makes you think it was me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," ( _oh, good, he's apologizing. Boris always calms down when he does that_.) 

"Forgive me if I didn't realize that such decisions were left to some aparachtchik, some career party man.". Uh oh!

Boris' face went pale, the pain in his eyes apparent. This pain quickly changed to anger. "I'm a career party man. You watch your tone, Comrade Legasov!" Boris said, his voice quiet and somehow all the more frightening.

Valery backed up a step, his head down, flushing at the rebuke. What hurt the most was that he had become Comrade Legasov again. Mostly, though, he was appalled at what had come out of his own mouth. He hadn't meant to insult Boris. He simply hadn't thought. Truthfully, he didn't see Boris as a party man anymore. He was his friend.

Pikalov stepped forward and gave the information about the radionuclides subsiding. Boris grasped at the needed distraction. "Good!". He turned to Valery. "Yes?" _Please, Valery, please, he thought, please let everything be okay between us_. He hadn't meant to reprimand Valery in front of Pikalov like some little boy.

Valery tried, but all he could manage was a quick glance at Boris and a nod.

When Pikalov handed Valery a report, Boris thought, _oh no! What now_? Valery turned and explained that the core was melting down. 

Well, Boris thought, at least he's talking to me. But something still wasn't right.

They both headed to the trailer, Valery uncharacteristically pushing ahead of Boris to enter first. What Boris couldn't see was that Valery was fighting back tears.

Valery entered the trailer, feeling the tears coming uncontrollably now. He went over to the one corner where there was a map hanging and stood as if looking at it studiously. He would not let Boris see him crying!

And then, softly, "Valery?" When he didn't answer Boris or turn around, again, "Valera?", even softer this time. Boris' pleas made the tears threaten to come even faster. And then, Boris' hands on his shoulders, one thumb gently caressing the hairs on his neck so that little shivers went up and down Valery's spine. 

And now the sobs were coming uncontrollably. Boris turned him around and pulled him into a bear hug. "Oh, Valera! I'm so sorry!"

"Boris, I'm the one who should...". 

"Shh! None of that nonsense! I am a career party man, Valery. And before all this, before you..." squeezing Valery's shoulders, "I didn't care much about anything except advancement. But that all changed when I met you, Valera! I wish I could make happen all the things you want. Many I can, some I can't. But not because I don't want to." 

Valery laid his head on Boris' chest, his heart bursting with love for this man. They stood like that for some time. 

Finally, "Come, Valery! We'd better make an appearance and show people that things are okay. Pikalov looked really distressed when we were arguing." Boris chuckled at the thought, but Valery just looked chagrined.

"Smile, Valera!". Finally, a small shy smile appeared on Valery's face. Boris hugged him again, then they went outside.


	9. We're going for a walk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris is worried about his health and his naive friend.

Later that evening, Boris and Valery sit near each other while Boris tells Gorbachev about the core melting down. Valery being on the phone is a privilege Boris allows, but the next moment he regrets it when Valery starts in on the exclusion zone again.

Boris can only look on in exasperated disbelief as Valery argues with Gorbachev. Then he hears s click. Gorbachev has hung up on Valery.

Boris doesn't know what to do with Valery. He's worried about him. Not so much that he'll be shot, his contribution to the work at Chernobyl protects him most likely. But Gorbachev could remove him, could assign someone else to the work here. If it wasn't that Valery (and he, of course) hadn't already absorbed enough radiation to shorten their lifespans, Boris might hope for Valery being sent away, as much as it would break his heart. But it would be too late to do Valery any good now, and so Boris stubbornly holds on to whatever time left he has with him.

Valery feels Boris' gaze on him, and figures he's irked with him. He jumps when Boris rasps, "Let's go for a walk."

If it is going to lead to another fight like earlier, Valery wants none of it. He begs off. "It's late, and I'm tired."

But Boris insists, "We're taking a walk."

___________________________________________

Outside, the chilly night air clears his head. "Boris, I'm sorry, but I can't sit by..."

Boris cuts him off. He doesn't want an apology. He's long accepted Valery for the stubborn scientist he is, and loves him all the more. After all, Valery, like himself, cares deeply about each life lost to this horrific disaster, and when it comes down to it, how can you not love s man for that?

There's something else on his mind too. He's heard reports about some of the patients at Hospital 6, but he's not sure he believes them. Rumors often lead to exaggeration and he hopes his friend can dispel some of them. If they're true...well, the thought of he and Valery having to go through that is horrifying!

"Valera, what will happen to our boys?"

""Our boys? The divers?"

"The divers, the firemen, the plant workers..."

What Valery goes on to describe is truly horrific, and Boris listens aghast at what those men will suffer, but also thinking of the two of them.

"And...us?"

And Valery understands. Not that Boris doesn't care about the victims; he knows him too well not to know that, but the fear in Boris' eyes is apparent.

He doesn't hold back. Boris would want the truth no matter what. Fortunately, the truth, though harsh, is nothing compared to the fate of those others.

Boris' eyes tear up in relief and emotion. "It would seem we've gotten off easy then, eh Valera?"

Valery nods, moved by his friend's fear. He wants to take him in his arms, but they're too out in the open and he doesn't dare.

Boris moves his head to the right ever so subtly as a warning, as if sensing Valery's desire to hold him.

Valery glances in the direction indicated and spots two familiar figures...the people from the bar his first night in Chernobyl!

"I've...seen them before." he says, surprised.

Boris nods, the slightest smile touching his mouth and eyes. 

"We're being followed?" Valery asks, glad he hadn't acted on his whim to embrace Boris in a hug.

"We have been all along, but if we're seeing them now, it's because they want to be seen. Now you know why I wanted to take a walk. Our rooms, even our bathrooms are bugged. You must be careful, Valera." And softly, "I can't risk losing you. That would kill me as surely as walking into the core!"

Valery nods, blinking back tears at Boris' statement. "I'll be careful, Boris! I couldn't bear to be sent away. If I, if we, must face death, I want it to be by your side."

"Let's go back in, Valera." Boris says hoarsely. "This night air seems to be giving me a bad cold. My eyes are watering."


	10. What would Boris look like nude?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After witnessing the miners' lack of attire, Valery has thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life event, HBO show, my strange imagination. Also somewhat inspired by my watching too many old Stellan Skarsgard movies where he bares it all.

Valery sits in the trailer, a tension headache quickly coming on. He removes his glasses and puts his face in his hands. He tries massaging his scalp to get rid of the tension, but nothing helps.

When Boris enters the trailer, Valery is sitting with head down, hands resting on his hair. Boris looks at him concernedly, then decides his friend needs cheering up. Brandishing the bottle of vodka he's brought with him, he says, "Valera! Great news! The miners are making great headway! They should be done in four weeks, can you believe it?"

Valery looks up exhaustedly. Despite his headache, he feels Boris' cheerful demeanor working it's way into his heart. So many times when he hasn't been able to deal with it all, it's been this man who has buoyed him with his optimism, his ability to see the small victories. If Boris wasn't here with him, he would have drowned by now. Drowned in grief, in guilt, in loneliness. Boris was the one who kept things working, who kept him from giving up in despair. He wondered if Boris had any idea how much he mattered. Oh, he had tried to tell him a few times, but Boris always quickly brushed it off, telling Valery he was the important one, that the rest of them would be lost without Valery.

He looks up, astonished at the time estimate of the miners' completing their work. "Four weeks?" 

Boris nods, noticing Valery's squint as he looks up into the bright light. "Another headache, Valera?". He hands him a glass of vodka. "Here, drink this and try to relax. You've been working all day, let's quit for the night and celebrate!"

When Valery merely looks at the glass sitting on the table, Boris takes it and moves it closer to him. "Drink," he orders, albeit gently.

Valery complies and feels the warm feeling in his belly work itself outward as he sips his drink. Soon he is talking with Boris, relaxing for the first time all day, and his headache finally starts to subside. Forget the vodka...this man is his tonic. He is the only one who can pull him out of his funks. Boris brings something out of him that no one else can. Around him he becomes less shy, less bumbling, less inhibited.

The evening might very well have continued in this lovely way, but after a short while a soldier came to the door and said they needed to come see about the miners. Boris and Valery looked at each other in some apprehension, but Boris quickly passed it off as not a cause for concern.

"Want to come along, Valera, or do you want to stay and relax?". Valery got up and followed Boris out the door in answer. His curiosity was up, so he wouldn't be able to relax until that was satisfied at any rate.

When they arrived at the worksite they had quite the shock. The miners were going about their work totally unclothed, except for their hats. Boris motioned Glukov over, who approached in all his glory, while Boris and Valery kept their eyes on his face.

At least Boris did, to all appearances. Valery, despite his best efforts, felt his eyes drifting down occasionally, whenever Glukov was directing his questions to Boris. Glukov was a well endowed man, from what Valery could see. And then it happened. Glukov had just asked Boris if his men would be looked after, when the thought shot through Valery's mind of what Boris would look like naked. While Boris was honestly telling Glukov he didn't know, Valery's imagination was having a field day. As Glukov walked off, Valery turned to Boris, staring at him, a stunned look on his face.

At first Boris thought he was shocked by his honesty toward the head miner. As Valery continued to stand there and stare, he suddenly had the thought of what was going through Valery's head. 

"Valery...Valera!", waving his hand in front of Valery's face. "Come back to Earth!". Valery started and blushed suddenly. "Yep," Boris thought to himself, amused. "Nailed it!"

Turning back to the trailer, he had to motion Valery to follow him. Valery stumbled a lot on the walk back, each time Boris' hands catching him so he didn't fall. Laughing, he said, "Had too much to drink, Valera? Here, let me help you.". Taking Valery's arm, he placed it around his own waist, so that Valery's arm rested right above his bum. The best part was that Valery, in all his clumsiness, would stumble again occasionally, and each time his arm would slip and his hand would brush again Boris' ass. Then Valery would go all red and stutter an apology each time. 

Finally, Boris took pity on him and placed his arm around Valery to keep him from stumbling, although of course that pulled Valery up against him so that their hips kept brushing up against each other's.

When they arrived back at the trailer, they prepared to go back to their rooms, but Boris decided he wanted to take a shower in the small bathroom first as the water pressure in his hotel room was pretty bad. Valery quickly made as if to leave, but Boris pushed him back in a chair.

"No, Valera, you are way too drunk and tired to walk back on your own. You'd fall into a ditch and we'd never find you. You wait, and I'll walk back with you. I won't be long."

Valery had no choice but to wait while Boris showered, a permanent flush on his face. Sometimes it's not good to have a creative mind, he thought to himself. He would never get to sleep tonight!

As it turned out, Valery did not need his imagination after all. A short while later, Boris came out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Soviet towels at a worksite are not the most luxurious, or the biggest, and on Boris' frame, well...

"I'll be ready soon, Valera.", Boris told him, while Valery stared, unable to take his eyes off Boris. Bare chested, Boris was strong and muscular, despite his age, with a few scars here and there. Boris pretended to misunderstand the reason for Valery's staring.

"What? These scars?". Sitting down on the arm of Valery's chair, he gave him a complete history of each of his scars one by one, while Valery sat there frozen, all too aware of Boris' body and the thin towel that was all that kept him from seeing all of him.

Finally, Boris got up to go get dressed, chuckling inwardly at the distress he knew Valery was in. As he walked back to the bathroom, his small towel hung open in the back, and Valery got a chance to compare Boris' ass with that of Glukov's. Boris' in no way disappointed and Valery could feel his body responding. Where was that vodka bottle again? he thought frantically. 

Boris had gone back into the bathroom when he suddenly popped back out to grab his razor...towel not included. When he emerged a short time later, Valery had downed the rest of the vodka, most of the bottle in fact, since they had not had much to drink before the soldier had come. Boris had to pretty much carry Valery back to the hotel and to his room, where he undressed him most of the way and tucked him in. "Sweet dreams, Valera.", he chuckled, then left to go to his own room and to bed. 


	11. The power of a touch, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris decides he needs to work on Valery's bashfulness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my Tumblr friends who helped me remedies for a hangover.

Valery was finally woken by the sun shining through the threadbare curtains. The light made him feel like he had shards of glass in his eyes and his head was somehow full of dryer lint. But when he tried to lift his head up, it seemed impossibly heavy and all his addled mind could come up with was that his head was coated in lead.

_They must have figured out how to protect us from the radiation. They're coating our heads with lead. Wait...that can't be right..._

Blessed unconsciousness claimed him again and he slept...

When next he woke, the heaviness of his head had eased, but had been replaced by a savage headache. To turn his head even a little brought a wave of nausea and for some reason he smelled...pickle juice? There was the sound of a deep, raspy voice singing quietly from the other room. Was that Boris?

A few moments later Boris came into his bedroom carrying a glass of some greenish liquid that smelled like pickles and vodka. Valery wrinkled his nose...was he supposed to drink that?

"Valera, we have got to teach you how to hold your liquor, or at least to drink less." Boris' usually loud, boisterous voice was low toned, much to Valery's relief, but he was still confused.

_Why did I drink so much last night?_

And then the memories came flooding back...and Valery blushed bright red. The various charms of Boris' body were clear as day in his head. Boris chuckled, imagining what was going through Valery's mind.

"Valera, do you think you can sit up?". Valery made a valiant effort, but finally Boris wrapped a strong arm around him and helped him to a sitting position. And then...

_Oh no! I'm going to be sick!_

But Boris had thought of everything (Boris always thought of everything!) and had the wastebasket right where it needed to be. When Valery was finished, he set it aside, then walked into the bathroom. 

The next moment there was a cool washcloth gently washing Valery's face. "Better?" Boris asked sympathetically, and Valery managed a weak nod. "My head..." he whispered. "Yes, I know." Boris said, "Here, drink this."

Valery almost gagged again at the strong smell but with Boris' help he managed to drink the concoction down, making a face when he was done.

"Are you trying to kill me, Boris?". Boris laughed, and said, "No, Valera, trust me. It will help. Lay your head back."

Valery obeyed, closing his eyes. Boris got up again and the next moment Valery felt another cool washcloth on his face and neck, washing his sweaty skin. A cold compress was placed under his neck, and then, settling comfortably on the couch next to Valery, Boris began gently stroking his forehead.

Valery relaxed into the touch, thinking how nice it was to have Boris taking care of him. Boris looked at his relaxed Valera, deep in thought.

_Look how relaxed he is, how trusting. Why can't he be like that all the time? Maybe he's not used to being touched? Maybe I should make more of a habit of touching him... would that help? Or would that make him feel more awkward? How I love this man...and... I'm pretty sure he feels the same way towards me, but I wish he would feel more comfortable around me._

Finally, Valery felt his headache ease off, but for a while he just sat there, enjoying Boris' attention. Boris was now running his fingers through Valery's hair, and Valery was loathe for him to stop. Suddenly he thought of the time and would have sat up quickly if Boris' arm had not restrained him. "Slowly, Valera, slowly." Valery nodded and carefully sat up.

"What time is it, Boris? It must be getting late!"

"Don't worry about the time today, Valera. And yes, it's eleven, but..." 

"Eleven!" Again, Valery tried to get up, but Boris kept him from rising with one hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, eleven. And we don't have anything until two this afternoon, when we meet with Tarakanov about the debris on the roof. And yes, you are going to rest!"

Valery surrendered any more attempts to rise. He wasn't going anywhere unless Boris allowed it, and he was certainly too weak to even try to put up a fight. Besides, Boris had that fierce look in his eye that said Valery had better damn well listen to him or else. So, his conscience appeased for the moment, he laid his head back down, looking wistfully at Boris. Boris chuckled and obliged him by going back to running his fingers through Valery's hair.

 _Maybe he could get _ _Valery to like being touched after all._

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Later, they went to meet Tarakanov in the work trailer. There was a table nearly up against the wall with chairs on both sides. Boris watched as Valery once again moved toward the chairs against the wall.

_He always wants to sit up against the wall, as if he wants to prevent anyone coming up behind him. Why is that anyway? Has he had some bad experience in the past?_

(Boris had no way of knowing this, but all through school, Valery, an excellent student throughout his academic career, had been badly bullied. Often times his tormentors would come up behind him and start beating on him. Valery had sported many bruises throughout his school life, and once a few broken ribs and a concussion. Old habits die hard, and he still preferred to sit where no one could come up behind him.)

Boris motioned Valery to take the seat nearest to the corner, then sat beside him. He sat so that his left leg brushed up against Valery's right leg, causing Valery to startle, but Boris did not ease up. He stretched his leg a bit more so that it was resting firmly against Valery's. Valery tensed again, but then relaxed. 

_Good. It's a start._


	12. The power of a touch, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boris keeps trying to get Valery used to his touch, and learns more about his past.

So they would go with the lunar rovers. All three of them agreed on that. And the third roof, Masha? Well, hopefully Tarakanov could get his superiors to ask for help from outside the country, but that remained to be seen. Anyway, one problem at a time was plenty to deal with.

At the end of the meeting they all got up to leave, in fairly good spirits. Boris went to put his arm companionably around Valery's shoulders, but Valery skittered out from under his arm, suddenly looking uncomfortable. Fortunately, Tarakanov did not pick up on the awkward moment.

_Damn! I blew it that time! I should have waited until Tarakanov had left. Valery seems to do a lot better with being touched when we're alone._

After Tarakanov left, Boris approached Valery, who still looked ill at ease. "Valera," Boris said gently. "You alright?" Valery nodded and relaxed. Boris smiled and gave him a playful nudge. "Relax, Valera, I don't bite. Well, unless I'm really hungry.". This time he was rewarded with a small shy smile from Valery.

_So this was going to take a while..._

Later that night...

They are sitting on the couch in the hotel room, going through countless reports on the coffee table. The trailer is more accommodating for this type of work, but a cold front had come through earlier and the trailer wasn't very warm. 

Boris is hurting. Years ago during the war he injured his back, and whenever the weather changes he feels it. Between that and working all afternoon into the evening, the pain has become almost unbearable. His dorsal muscles are the worst, the ones along the middle of the rib cage in the back, and the pain is spreading up to his neck with every moment. Valery is telling him something about the upcoming procedure with the lunar rovers, but he doesn't hear a word. Boris is always attentive when Valery is talking, so Valery picks up on this almost immediately. 

"Boris, are you alright?" Boris looks up at the question and Valery can see the pain in his eyes. Boris shakes his head no. "Where's the pain?" and Boris indicates his back muscles on his right side.

_Please don't ask any more questions, Valera. It hurts even to talk._

Boris winces as another wave of pain shoots up his back. Then, wonder of wonders, Valery is scooting closer to him on the couch, and then Boris feels his gently probing fingers. Valery works at undoing the knots in Boris' back, slowly but surely. At first, Boris is in too much pain to think about what's happening, but as Valery's skilled touch begins to lessen the pain, he sits there stunned. This man, who he can hardly tap on the shoulder without him jumping out of his skin, is massaging Boris' back without even being asked. And there is no awkwardness in his movements, no shyness, only a desire to help his friend.

_I simply do not understand this man. He is so giving in everything he does and yet so hesitant to let others give to him. What could have happened in his past to make him be this way?_

Boris sighs in relief. The pain is all but gone. He turns to Valery, who is now looking down shyly. "Thank you, Valera. I'll be able to sleep tonight thanks to you.". Valery looks up briefly, but then looks down again after meeting Boris' eyes. "I...I should get to bed." he stammers, gets up and goes to his bedroom.

_Damn! I can't figure him out!_

Boris goes to his own room, frustrated. In the middle of the night, he hears Valery thrashing around and yelling. Running into his room, Boris grabs Valery up in his arms and carries him to the couch in the outer room. Valery, still in the throes of sleep, tries to beat Boris off but Boris keeps his strong arms wrapped around him, not concerned for himself as much as he is that Valery will somehow hurt himself. Finally, Valery fully awakes and dissolves into sobs, and all Boris can do is hold him and stroke his back until Valery calms down.

"Valera, what awful dream were you having?" But Valery won't share what has so him so upset, although he does allow Boris to comfort him for a while. Finally, he falls back asleep, and that's how they remain for the rest of the night. Boris wakes first at six a.m. He carefully lifts Valery from his lap and lays him on the couch, bundling a warm blanket around him. He would have continued holding Valery until he woke, but he doesn't want him to be embarrassed waking up in Boris' arms. And, as is the nature of many nightmares, Valery may not even remember what the dream was about or his reaction to it of the night before.

Valery wakes up a while later and looks around puzzledly. "How did I get out here?" he wonders aloud. Boris comes out of his room, gives Valery an equally clueless look and shrugs. "I don't know, Valera. Do you sleep walk?" Valery shakes his head no, not understanding, but gets up and gets dressed. He feels very tired today, almost as if something had woken him in the middle of the night, but he doesn't remember a thing. He's got to get his head on straight; today's the day the lunar rovers are supposed to arrive and then they will be busy testing them. Valery is sick to think what will happen if they don't work.

After breakfast, he wanders off for a smoke while Boris is going through some last minute paperwork with Tarakanov and the technicians. He walks around the building, being careful to avoid any hot spots of radiation. Along the one wall is a group of soldiers he's never seen; no doubt they've just arrived and don't know who he is either. The soldiers, unlike he and Boris (and Pikalov and Tarakanov) have the benefit of being switched out every two weeks, so as not to receive too high a dose of radiation. Valery worries about Pikalov, who has had to go back to Moscow due to vision problems brought on by radiation exposure. Pikalov was the one who drove up near the fire that first night to get a true reading with the more powerful dosimeter, and Valery thinks that probably sealed his fate. Tarakanov, well, he's not been here too long yet, but as Pikalov's replacement he will probably end up nearly as bad off as Valery and Boris, and of course it's too late for them. 

As he gets closer to the soldiers, one particularly unsavory one approaches and asks for some smokes. Valery pulls out his pack, intending to share, but the soldier snatches the whole pack. When Valery protests feebly, the soldier grabs him by the shoulders and pins him against the wall. "You got a problem, Comrade? Why don't you try to get your cigarettes back, then? He cuffs Valery so hard, Valery is seeing stars and his glasses go flying off his head. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 _Where is Valery now? I need him to look at these numbers before the lunar rovers arrive. He must be out back smoking._ "Tarakanov, I'll be right back. I'm going to hunt down Valery."

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Valery bends to pick his glasses up and the soldier kicks him in the ribs, making him fall to his knees painfully. Scrabbling around for his glasses, Valery just manages to avoid a kick to his head, which lands on his left arm instead, instantly making it go numb. Another kick glances his temple, and he goes down, stunned. Over the cacophony in his head, he hears a furious roar (Boris?), and then nothing more.

When he comes to, he is on a cot in the trailer. Tarakanov has gone out to arrest the soldiers responsible for this, rounding up some medics with stretchers. Boris sits by Valery, a fire raging in his eyes. There's blood on his shirt (not his own), and his right knuckles are bandaged. Despite the rage in his eyes, he looks concernedly at Valery as he comes to, and won't allow him to sit up. "Valera, can you hear me?" When Valery nods, Boris's shoulders sag in relief. He takes Valery's glasses out of his pocket and hands them to Valery, who is relieved to see they are not broken. 

"Those men will be court-martialed, Valera, although I wanted them shot! How dare they lay a hand on you! I mean, well, on anyone, but...." Boris spreads his hands helplessly, nearly in tears. When he had rounded that corner and seen Valery laying on the ground motionless, a rage had come over him like never before, and he probably would have snapped the soldiers' necks if Tarakanov's and his guards had not come running up at that moment. He thought he had lost Valery, which meant his life would have been effectively over. Very little else in this world mattered to Boris at this point, and today he had realized that like he never had before. He looked down at Valery at a loss for words.

Tarakanov returned and came over to see how Valery was. Boris blinked rapidly to hide his tears, although an observant general probably would notice his doing so. Tarakanov says not a word, though. "Want to put the test off for today, Boris?" Tarakanov asked, looking at Valery with concern. Boris nodded wordlessly. "Valera, can you get back to our room if I help you, or should we have a stretcher brought?" Valery thought he could make it with Boris' help, so Boris helped get him to his feet. This time, he did not object or tense up when Boris wrapped his arm around his waist, and he did not look embarrassed when Tarakanov looked him dead in the eye and said, "Valery, no more getting hurt. You are way too important to what we're doing here."

Boris put him to bed when they got back to their room, and spent the rest of the day fussing over Valery. Late in the afternoon, Valery, deep in sleep, lapsed into another nightmare. He was back at university, and his tormentors had surrounded him behind the dorm. They were punching and kicking at him, and taunting him as they did so. Valery woke suddenly and sat straight up. Boris, sitting in a nearby chair reading, saw him sit up and came over to see what was the matter. Valery could no longer hold in his past and began sobbing. Boris held him until he calmed down, then listened as Valery shared with him what growing up had been like. Not just the constant abuse at school, but even before that. His father had been cruel, and had constantly berated Valery for not being manly enough for his standards. He had taken a switch to him numerous times, and would fly into a rage at him at the slightest provocation. Worse yet, whenever Valery's father had physical contact with Valery, it was never to give affection. Always it was a hit or a slap or some other painful abuse.

As Valery poured his heart out to Boris, Boris melted over what Valery had gone through. No wonder he jumped at anyone touching him. No wonder he became embarrassed and awkward at the slightest bit of affection or camaraderie. Valery had never experienced those things growing up (his mother had died when he was barely two-years-old), and he just didn't know how to react.

_Oh, Valera, I vow to show you what love and affection are. I promise you will not always flinch or feel awkward when others touch you. If it's the last thing I do, I will help you heal from your childhood._


End file.
